My first relationship

Let me share with you about my first relationship that happened 5 years ago. Yeah that was long... To make things clear and right, first of all i will say that i have no more feeling over my ex. So ya don't think too far. And what i am going to say was 16 years old Selly.

Ok, the reason why i write this entry is simply because i accidently found an e-mail sent by my ex on 26 June 2005! haha

The reason why he sent the e-mail was because i was in Indo having my school hols and i assume that he's not going back and staying in Sg and we were having an argument i guess. Can't remember much.. hehe

Basically, the e-mail made me wonder whether the current me is still like the 16 years old Selly. The young and immature me was a selfish, stubborn and egoist person. I always want to win in every argument, I always the one who want to be cared about but not the other way around and to be honest i was embarrassed at that time for having him as my bf. Maybe a selfish reason for is that i was embarrassed because he is not good looking. The first reason for me to say yes to him was not because i liked him but because i wanted to know the feeling of having a bf. Yeah i was so COLD HEARTED!

In the e-mail, he told me that he was tired of me for not being understanding, not caring enough and selfish. As i said, i was selfish and want to win in every situation. It was very hard for me to say sorry and something similar to that. I guess i was just being so self centered and egoist.

Thinking back on that, i think he treated me so nice but yet i was still very bad on him. I regretted for not being nice enough to him. I felt so sorry now and i don't know what to say. I treated him that way too because there was always another person right beside me who would treat me nicely and because of this i felt that i have the "bargaining" power. I know i was a bitch.

One more time i will say, i regret for everything that i did to him. But guys, i also need to tell you that although he was VERY nice to me, somehow deep inside me i know that he is not the one who will be with me for the rest of my life. Our personality is so different and I just can't see me and him in the future.

I hope the current me is a very different person from 5 years ago. I hope i already learn the art of LOVING others, giving way to people and CARE!!!